Thursday, November 8, 2007

How imperfect my perfect world is

Living for the past 21 years, only recently I've learnt about the other meaning of drugs. Drugs to me was always known as the medicine found in pharmacy and hospital. By means, drugs meant prescribed medicine which is used for the good and not otherwise. Yes, I am aware of other drugs which are harmful too but they were only extra information that I learnt back in high school. Basically, I'm brought up to believe that only bad juviniles would be related to being a drug addict and so on.
Today, I'd think twice.

Crystal Meth. Of all other drugs like ecstacy, K and so on, I remember this the most for I heard this from someone who was dear to me. To me that time, it shattered my heart for I have not encountered this once at all. I cried. That night lasted for as long as I could recall. Til then, I noticed the perfect world I thought I was in, is not perfect at all. I've yet to see the other side of the coin.

Now, drugs no longer carry the same meaning. I know it could happen anywhere anytime to anyone and even around my circle of friends. It does not happen only to bad traits people, it just need a chance. A chance to try when you let your guard down not knowing your everyday life might be just about snorting, eating and smoking meth after that very one try.

I thought my life is perfect but no, it is just me moulding the imperfect world to be perfect always. One night stand. I do not even mention this often at all, only seen it appearing on subtitles in movies. Yet, I realized it happens not only to older generation but people around my age. Some might even think that it is not a sinful doing. It does not make any sense. Not abit.

I heard some guys who seemingly deeply in love with his other half could be out with hookers when their partners are away. How could you ever imagine the face of someone you love tenderly would do such a thing?! I cannot imagine me loving someone who could do this behind my back. More over, to be still thinking that he is your perfect lover whom in reality, goes to prostitutes. It takes away my trust in guys for I do not want a pretender nor a liar as my lover.

What about the schemata of a healthy living society? What about the perfect family that we are currently exposed to via the influence of media? Even there are movies on broken families, drug addicts and dealers yada, it all come to senses that they are just movies. It is about acting and exaggerating the norms of the society.

This made me wondered. I could not accept the fact that I am filled with naive and innocent thoughts of this imperfect world. Hearing all this among my circle of friends gave me a chill down my spine. It gives me the sense of insecurity, fear and confusion. To think if I am the one not able to move on with the reality or is the world a nevr safe, happy and healthy place to be in the first place.

Behind everyone's happy life, there are always these dark unrevealed secrets untold. One might be a successful someone, but the fact is, everyone wears a mask to hide their very evil dark side.

For me, I am still very ignorant to the extent of being in denial to believe and accept. I need a hope, a sign, anything to let me carry on with this dream of my perfect world.

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